Inside Azkaban
by Thatgirlwhowrotestuff
Summary: Sirius Black's days inside Azkaban were the the longest of his life; He has to come to terms with the boredom, the pain and the anger toward Peter. He had to vent his emotions in a way that will help him, eventually, avenge his best friend's death.
1. Preface

Inside Azkaban

_For the purpose of dialogue in this fan fiction I have added in a few wizard guards. I understand that these may not have existed because all the guards were dementors but dementors do not speak, which made created a story line more difficult. I also suggest that Padfoot anticipates his escape, I don't know how technically accurate that is. I just presume that Black always plans towards his escape - because planning towards an eternity in Azkaban is much more grim.  
>This is a short Preface, Don't be put off. This story is a long one.<br>__Feel free to review, in fact do. And be constructive. thank you. Enjoy. _

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><p>Inside Azkaban I came to terms with a few things. I was wrongly accused, but I couldn't prove it. My best friend was dead, and it was Pettigrew's fault. I had always thought that Peter looked up to me, I thought that he could be trusted, but obviously we were wrong. Peter was nothing more than a coward, who liked to hide behind people; he hid behind me when we tormented Severus like he hid behind Voldemort all those years after the Potter's death.<p>

At first I felt angry, I wanted to kill Peter - that part of the anger never went away. But part of me, after many years inside Azkaban felt pity for him, he was so weak. He sold his close friends, a fellow marauder, to Lord Voldemort. The same Dark Lord we had been fighting off for years! He was a coward and an idiot. I can't believe we hadn't seen that before. That I hadn't seen that before.

I wanted to avenge Lily and James, which was why I hunted down Peter. It was foolish and I went without any real plan - which was obviously looking back not very wise, but I was blinded with hate and anger. I wanted to kill him, like he had gotten my best friend killed. I wanted to torment him. I wanted to see his body against the cold, hard floor. Inside Azkaban those feeling never went away either. I had to kill Pettigrew, for the sake of James. I dreamt of escaping and creeping up on him in the night. I would use my animagus form and then change so he could see the anger of his betrayal in my eyes.

I had adored my time at Hogwarts with James. We were popular with the teachers and the girls, it was my honour to be placed in the Gryffindor house, it angered my parents and I loved to torment them. They were so different to me and I knew it, at home I even placed pictures of muggle girls on motorcycles on my walls, it was wild and their reactions were priceless. I was always a practical joker, back in the day when everything was harmless.

We were arrogant little berks and I wasn't proud looking back at the way we treated Severus. It was cruel but we were bored. We physically bullied him for our own amusement. I even tried to kill him once, which was a bit harsh. James saved him and I guess that just shows what James was like. I think if the roles were reversed James might have shown some forgiveness towards Pettigrew, after all his only fault was his cowardice.

I missed James. He was like my brother. He took me in when I fled from my parents. He made me Godfather of the famous Harry Potter. He defended me, he was my partner in crime. I would have died for him. I would have died long before giving him up to the dark lord. I guess that was why I hated Pettigrew so deeply. I would have died for Peter back in Hogwarts, we all would have - to protect our honour. Those days in Azkaban were the longest of my life. I knew Harry was alone, I knew Peter was running free. I knew I was innocent. I also knew that nobody had successfully escaped from Azkaban before and that everybody on the outside feared me. They thought I was a death eater, a muggle butcher and a traitor to James and Lily Potter.


	2. Chapter One

Chapter One.

Azkaban was worse than you could possibly fathom. It was worst than living with my parents; it was torture. Some people screamed at night from their rooms, most muttered evil curses under their breath from their cells. Everybody wanted out - everybody was desperate.

I wanted my wand back, obviously. I was useless without it - so I quickly became a mutterer. I didn't scream, not for a few years. But I could sense that I was going to go insane living like a squib, it was like living with one arm. The guards would tell me to be quiet, stop rambling and give up but I couldn't. I couldn't just accept that I was inside Azkaban after being wrongly accused.

I was sent down without a trial. I protested the whole way there. "This isn't right" I told the guard on duty who I was chained to. "I shouldn't be on this plane, it should be Pettigrew!"

The guard looked at me with distaste, "Pettigrew is dead - you killed him." He said blandly. His voice was dry and his moustache moved when he spoke.

"Do you believe that?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes I do, Sir Black, now can you please be quiet for now, we've got a long way to go"

"The world's gone mad," I decided, "Completely mental," I muttered.

I hadn't thought the guard was listening but he seemed to mutter something of approval. Probably a joke to my expense - nobody believed me anymore. That was the first thing I discovered; after all I was sent down for betraying my best friends to the Dark Lord, even if I didn't do it.

I remember the first time I saw it. It was a dark prison - it looked inescapable, because it was. The pictures didn't even do it justice. And it smelt like the ocean and the algae that had grown over the walls. It was also a lot bigger than I first anticipated, it took up the whole island - which was quite large in itself. Every wizard who had ever done anything bad went here, so it had to be this large I presume. This was the only way of punishing a wizard, and it was completely invisible to muggles due to the countless curses impregnated on the surrounding area. I bet even a dog couldn't sniff this place out. It was infallible - it had to be. For the first time in my life I felt restrained from the world, I was suddenly claustrophobic. I thought of everything in that very short journey (I'm only guessing but I think I was taken up by traditional methods instead of using magical transport in case I went "missing" in the transition - a lot can go wrong with magic.) I couldn't stop thinking about baby Harry.

I had held Harry, I had loved him - like he was my own son. His eyes were so big, like Lily's. You could see her in him clear as day. I just hoped he was as strong as James and his heart wasn't tainted by those muggles. I knew muggles weren't brilliant - but these were really bad muggles. Magic haters, thoroughly. I felt sick when I thought of that scar on his head. Everything I had ever done was to stop the people I loved being controlled by Voldemort. I wanted the magic world to be free from his overpowering presence. But somehow Voldemort had come after us, after James and Lily - and had taken them from me. I wished I had been there - I wished he would have taken me as well.

I knew they would still keep fighting. Moony had promised me that once.

"He will come back" he said, shortly after his fall.

"I know," I swigged my whiskey back violently - I had turned to drink during my search for Peter. It helped somewhat. "It will take more than this to destroy him, Something has to change."

He nodded. "There's talk that the boy will have something to do with it."

"Harry?" I exclaimed, chuffing loudly. "He's just a baby."

"A baby that pissed off a powerful wizard."

"Mm." I began to think, it would obviously take Voldemort some time to regain himself to his previous state. Enough time for Harry to grow - I hoped.

"We will always fight him." Lupin said, passing me another bottle. "I promise you - We will always fight for freedom. For James - that's what he would have wanted."

"And Lily,"

"Of course."

I knew our friendship would always be there to pull us through. We were bonded - and Lupin owed us for not turning against him when we found out his little secret. At least Lupin could be trusted - not like Pettigrew. I knew I could trust Lupin with my life. I just hoped that when I got out I could talk him around. I hoped I could tell him the truth - reveal Pettigrew for who he was before he attempted to kill me.

Peter wasn't dead, and finding him would be difficult. But when I got out of this place I wouldn't stop trying.

When I got inside Azkaban they searched me - my body and my mind. They assessed how dangerous I was; how physically violent and how suicidal. I was emaciated; my cheeks were hollow. I looked frightening, my beard was overgrown and I was dressed in a thick leather jacket and old soggy boots. I hadn't looked after myself properly at all and they found a lot of alcohol in my jacket.

Because of my condition the guards and the doctors didn't even want near me. My checks were rushed and I was put in one of the highest security cells they had. The ones they reserved for death eaters. I had to sign a form, to swear that my sentence could and would be extended if I attempted escape or proved myself a "difficult" case. I scanned the form and saw the words "Death Eater" under crime. It make me want to be physically sick. Death eaters were everything I had ever disliked. Even my parents who weren't death eaters believed that Voldemort had "the right idea". I bit my lip and signed the form. Mostly because I didn't want my sentence to be extended - I wanted to kill Pettigrew as soon as I could.

I was lead up to my room by a big built guard. He held his wand in one hand, securely, and my chains in the other. I didn't see the need for such magically enhanced chains - because I didn't have my wand to break any kind of chain. But I left them to it as always. The chains were so tight my wrists bled and I had marks for weeks - I moaned slightly when there was a sharp corner or when we went upstairs. The stairs, like at Hogwarts, had a habit of changing. But unlike Hogwarts these stairs went one way for prisoners and another way for guards. Let's just say an escaping prisoner wouldn't be tempted to take the stairs.

The walls were old and smelt of damp - they were left bear brick and had small thickly barred windows. On the walls there were impressive lights, with wild flames. They reminded me of the kind my cousins had in their bedrooms at Hogwarts. The floor was cold, I knew because I had had my boots confiscated, they were paved with thick broken black tiles. The whole place wasn't pretty - or even menacing. It was bland.

I wouldn't even have guessed it was a prison until we entered my "wing", there was rows of cells all with the same style windows and walls. Against each window was a different face, some slavered and moaned, others cursed and shouted.

"Bloody Death eaters" A woman scowled at me, "That's innocent blood on your hands!" She spat. "INNOCENT BLOOD". The guard flicked his wand in her direction and a shutter fell in front of her window. I knew it wasn't for my sake, he just wanted to keep the peace.

"Follow the same dark lord I do?" I looked up and saw a face, one so familiar but I couldn't put a name to it. I knew I had fought him in the wizarding war. "EH," he exclaimed, then laughed a frightful laugh "You changed your tune didn't you sunny?" he cooed. "Everybody does when they realize they can't fight him - It's easier just to join him!" I turned and my insides cried at the pain as the chained sliced into my wrist.

"Only the weak do what is easy, it's the strong men who fight for what they believe is right. Your just a coward for doing otherwise!" I shouted.

"Oi!" My guard tugged my chains and shut the raving man's shutter before he could respond. He then looked into my eyes and then pulled up my sleeve. "I don't know who you are, or what you are. But you better keep your mouth shut whilst your on this wing - or your life will be hell." He looked uneasy. "Opinions like that wont get you anywhere - you hear me? Now come on."

I rolled my eyes. The whole place was raving mad. A couple of cells later and we were at my new humble abode. It was certainly humble anyway. A toilet, kept magically clean, a bed which appeared to be a shelf with a pillow. It was blue - which was an upside. I liked the colour blue. The view wasn't brilliant but it was liveable. Dry humour was going to be the only thing to keep me strong I realized. Then I laughed, "Brilliant" I said to the guard. "When's dinner?"

He raised an eyebrow at me. "Your things will be up within the hour." he said, "Then dinner is at seven." He shut me in sealed it with a flick of his wand. "I think it's pumpkin soup tonight." he said as he walked away. There was a shout of approval.

I listened as he walked away, then everything was fairly quiet. I sat on my bed, testing it for comfort. The result was negative. I sighed then looked up at then ceiling. "Where from now, Blacky?" I said to myself as the overwhelming feeling of isolation fell on me.


	3. Chapter Two

Chapter 2

It wasn't long before I met my first Dementor. Obviously I had seen hundreds on my way in; they swamped the place like nothing I'd ever seen before. They were frightening. Any wizard would be stupid if they said they weren't scared of a deadly Dementor kiss. But I hadn't until that point been close to one, because all the searches and checks were preformed by wizards so that they could test our mental strength without the influence of a Dementor.

They knew they were coming, they sat at the backs of their cells and some of them even shook with fear. I felt them first. Ice cold, like the arctic, and cruel, like a storm. Everything stood still and was coating with this icy glaze, it happened faster than any weather - it was magic after all. Then I saw it, at the end of the corridor; thickly hooded, dark, eerie, frightening- there are a million words to describe a Dementor but you'd still never get the full image. It's like seeing something that makes your stomach turn in pure fear and at the same time you feel like you'll never be happy ever again. I wanted to avoid that feeling as much as I could. I shuffled to the back of my cell, cutting my feet on the cold, hard tiles. They made a noise like an old hairdryer or a leaf blower in the distance; this faint wurr of noise. I'd also heard somewhere that they act upon your worst memories, I didn't want to re enact my worst memories. I covered my head with my hands and waited.

It came right up to my cell, looking straight in at me. My breath was heavy and thick, and I began to remember all the bad things that had ever happened to me. That feeling when I found out Lily and James were dead, that was all I could feel. That feeling of sorrow and betrayal. It was awful, feeling it again like that - it made my stomach do loops around itself.

I didn't say anything; it didn't say anything. It just posted a parcel through a newly formed parcel hole. It wasn't there before and sure as day it disappeared straight after. I didn't mind that; I was past caring about magic that was far beyond my control. I didn't know if I should thank the thing, for whatever it was it had given me; so I nodded, bowing my head slightly. It didn't respond, it just shut my only window to the outside world. _Charming_; I thought.

I rushed over to the parcel; when everything felt alright again. I opened it, tugging at the brown parcel string that kept it together. Then the smell hit me, it was warm and beautiful - everything the Dementors weren't. The paper fell away to reveal my meal, presented in a small white porcelain dish and a scroll of parchment. I thought back to when I had last eaten, it had been over a day ago and it was just before nightfall now. I was ravenous.

The soup was bland. Made by elves, I presume. Elves like Kreature don't have the heart to brew up a good meal. I didn't care - I was too hungry to care. The soup was gone in a matter of minutes. I thought back to meals on the outside. Lily's best pumpkin soup, My mother's old dragon steaks, a good old chocolate frog. I would miss that. The thought of never having a decent bite to eat made me want to rip my stomach out on the spot.

The thought of my friends hating me, believing that I was the betrayer also made me feel sick to the pit of my being. The thought of the whole wizarding world believing that I was some cold blooded, muggle killing death eater made me want to punch, hit and curse things. I got so worked up with these dark emotions that I nearly forgot about the parchment. These thoughts can wait, I told myself, they're not going anywhere right now.

The parchment with crisp, and bore a note;

_Sir Black, Sirius, _

_It is with great misfortune that we announce that the case of _Sir Black, Sirius _on the crimes of _Murderer and Death Eater _will _not _be brought before the ministry of magic. The ministry cannot withdraw you from _Azkaban Prison _and we apologise for any inconvenience this is to you. In _five years _time your case will be reconsidered to the Ministry and they will decide whether or to not the case demands a trial then. The reasons behind this decision are; _Circumstantial evidence and Witness statements from numerous Muggles _again we apologise for any misfortune this decision meets you as, but our decision stands. Sincerely, _

_The Ministry of Magic._

I laughed out loud; like a mad man. "This is a joke" I said, then broke into hysterics again. "We apologise for any inconvenience this is to you" I read aloud, "Ha! Don't be preposterous Minister - I'll just stay here until you see fit to attend to my case" The sarcasm in my tone was both sharp and harsh. Tears streamed down my face and burned against my skin. _I'll never get out of here a free man, _I decided, that was all I had ever wanted. I wanted to be free and I wanted Pettigrew to face his betrayal. It should have been Peter here, with the Dementors, the mad men and the bland soup. And I should be somewhere grieving my best friend's death. _This isn't right; _I said over and over again.

I should have been out of here, for my friends, for Harry. I should have rightfully had Harry, at my old home. I should have raised him, and taught him to be a good wizard who would go on to fight the dark lord. But instead all my foreseeable future was inside those four walls. I let out my first cry of anguish, and rolled up on my cold bed, I didn't care about me - I could cope with the soup and the cold harsh breath of the Dementors, but I had to get out. It was the right thing, to serve justice because it wasn't going to be served for me. I had to escape. I knew it hadn't been done before and only the mad desperate men attempted it; but maybe I was mad, for I was certainly desperate. I had been inside for one day and I had already decided that that wasn't the life for me. I had to get out. _For Harry. _


	4. Chapter Three

Chapter Three

My stuff came to me after nightfall. It was much longer than an hour but I didn't care, it was great to have a few of my things with me. The stuff I could bring into Azkaban was really limited, obviously, but I was happy with the things I had. I had my boots and my leather jacket! I didn't suppose I needed them, because I wasn't going anywhere, but I was fairly attached to them. It was the leather jacket Lupin had bought me for my birthday five years ago! I thought of Lupin, and I hoped I would be able to talk him around. He was like a brother to me as well, we did everything for him and I knew that he would have wanted to believe I was innocent, and that I wouldn't kill James. He wouldn't need a lot of reassurance, he already knew me. I smelt my jacket and I could smell freedom on it. And alcohol. I checked the pockets, nothing. They had really been thorough with these searches, no wonder it had taken so long.

My boots as well, the soles were a bit thin because I had had them for a while before I got my jacket. Clothes didn't wear out easily on me, because I spent a lot of time in my animagus form. Also Kreature was a pretty good at cleaning them up for me. Oh he wasn't a bad elf, even if he was so deeply blood prejudiced, but that was a learnt behaviour, from my mother. It wasn't his fault really.

There was also a few photographs, I had kept inside my jacket. They meant a lot. There was one of The Marauders, all in high school. James with his arm around Lily, Me leaning on Lupin who was grinning like a fool, and Pettigrew behind him, on the end. In the background you could see Snape; Scowling with resentment. We used to bully him for fun, but Lily hated it. She was such a good soul and she thought that Snape was her friend. We were her friends, and Snape had a silly little crush on her. It was plain as day and it made James laugh out loud, and torment him even more so. We tortured Snape, and it was cruel, but kids are cruel. We were just being kids.

There was another photograph of my parents. I didn't care for them, but I liked carrying the photograph as a reminder of what I never wanted to become. They were there in their little absurd studio, sat up properly with their best evening wear on. It was all a lie, a dark ugly lie. They were there with their fake smiles and this air about them that said "Our family are better than yours because of our bloodline" It made me feel sick. My brother and I are sat in front of our parents, in even more absurd outfits with our hair gelled back. I was about seven when this photograph was taken. They still had faith in me.

I wondered about my brother. He was an idiot and their favourite son, but that's only because he was so impressionable. I know he was in Slytherin, and that he became a Death Eater but he was always very conscience of his actions, I don't know, maybe Voldemort changed that- I never knew any differently. It made me sick that he admired Voldemort, even if it was partly my parent's influence, he followed Voldemort's beliefs himself as well. He wasn't defendable, he was a Death Eater.

There was one last photograph as well, a photo of baby Harry that James had given to me when he told me that I was going to be his Godfather. I knew James lived on in Harry, I could see it in this young infant's photograph. Voldemort hadn't taken everything away from me. I still had feeling, which was more than he would ever have.

Besides that there wasn't a lot, but I didn't need a lot - I wasn't a person of material possessions. I had all I needed inside me. Memories, the Truth, My heart. Everything that was to stay true to me was already there, but having these things back reminded me of that.

I then began to look at my room, once again. There was no evidence that I was going to be allowed out of here even for a short while. Not unaccompanied anyway. There was no point in trying to escape during exercise periods, if there were any, the Dementors would have me before I jumped the wall. I didn't have the strength inside me for wall jumping.

There was always my animagus form. I knew that wasn't going anywhere but I had nowhere near enough strength inside me to change without my wand. It was hopeless. And if I did change I wouldn't fit through the bars, I was far too wide. I dismissed that thought there and then on the spot. I decided instead to sit still and listen to my new neighbours.

"_Mmmmmenemmm-gffffllll-mmmmmenmmm_" One slobbered noisily. Brilliant, I thought to myself. I was scared to death of turning into that brainless existence.

Another person was ranting, loudly, "_He'll come back, don't you worry, He'll come back and he'll take the lot of you. He'll set us free as well, I know he will! He wants all of us to be his followers, and he'll come down for us, just you wait and see. He's strong willed, don't worry. And he'll look after us, if we do what he wants. He isn't scared of Dementors, he isn't scared of anything! We need to be strong and wait for him. He wont be long. It wont be long. I'll wait here._" Dear lord. I thought to myself; it's worse than I thought. Followers of Voldemort never failed to amaze me. How can anybody turn against freedom and against what is good and right? It's just wrong, and his followers are just weak cowards.

"What about if he doesn't come back!" Another person shouted, making me choke on my own laughter.

"_He will, he will, I know he will. They said he will, we just need to wait, need to wait. And be patient - won't be long now. Don't worry.. Be patient.. Everything will be better when he gets here_." The rambling continued into the night.


End file.
